Rob's random thoughts

psalm 13

2010-10-08T16:14:00.000-07:00

i really enjoy teaching, but there are times when it just takes a toll on your soul. It is such a great, beneficial, sanctifying process to chew on a particular passage and then be able to present what the Lord has shown you. That being said, the next 2 weeks i am going to be teaching on psalms of lament and the imprecatory psalms... i.e. psalms about depression and anger. This week has been difficult in preparing for psalm 13. This isn't a set of verses to be understood as much as felt. It isn't a theological problem David is having, but he is acknowledging where his heart is at. Spending time in this psalm is both freeing and difficult. Freeing in that i am reminded that we are to pour out our heart to Jesus, no matter what we are feeling; but difficult in that this week i have done more time doing that then typical. I have had many of these same feelings that i thought were dormant come to the surface and has been a source of prayer this week.
I don't like acknowledging feelings of sadness, i would rather just talk about the good things, sports, anything really. I spend a lot of my time talking with people about their difficulties that it becomes easy to not acknowledge my own. It has been a good week in just that God has lead me to a place of honesty about my condition with Him. I would rather be in a place of overwhelming joy, but i feel spending time exploring David's lament has given words to mine.

God's wierd way of cracking open my soul

2010-04-19T14:41:00.000-07:00

So this week i have the task of preparing a sermon on Galatians 1:10. I am looking forward to studying this passage, but in some ways i have been feeling pressured to deliver a particular message. In Galatians there was this battle between Paul preaching the freedom and light yoke that is the Gospel of Jesus, and the Judaizers who had changed the gospel by wanting to convert people to a culture as a part of the salvation process.
    What has been so interesting to me is that this verse alludes to the major battle in the book. Paul asks people if he is trying to please men, or please God. The implication is that it would have been a lot more pleasing to the surrounding culture to accept the wrong gospel. It rifled fewer feathers, it made more friends. The true gospel is not going to make you many friends. However, it is pleasing to God!
    There are so many possiblities and applications from this conflict. Do we try to convert people to the christian subculture, or do we allow them to be what they are with Christ at the center? Do we, or how often do we make decisions based on what makes people happy as opposed to God? What are the gospel mandates that must remain true in all cultures, and what stuff is our american interpretation and presentation of the gospel?
    The wierd and crazy thing, which is also what inspired this post is what happened last night. I was sitting in worship, and God just flipped the verse on its head. I have tried to please people my whole life. You heard a little bit of it earlier even in some of my prep for this sermon. I want to please Courtney, people at church, parents, students, and just about everyone. The reality is that i can never acomplish this. It is an unattainable goal and is a treadmill of running in place and getting nowhere at best. God showed me that i am pleasing to Him. While i am seeking people's approval, i am pleasing to the one who matters most, Jesus! The message of the gospel in some ways is this, we can be made pleasing to God through Jesus.
   This verse has taken a whole new significance to me starting last night. I have no idea where my study and prep time will take me by the time i teach on sunday night, but God has used this verse in my life already. I never saw it coming.

Lost

2010-03-22T15:36:00.000-07:00

ok, so i have to admit, i am beyond addicted to the show LOST right now. this show is awesome because one of the first things i did with Courtney when we were first dating is that we watched the first 2 seasons on DVD and have been regular watchers ever since. I think this is going to go down as one of the best written shows ever on television. I cannot think of another show that had such a overarching storyline that used as many storytelling techniques to acomplish it. They have flash backs, character development, incredible insight into human interactions, telling stories that are action filled, or just internal turmoil. I love this show and i am sad that there are a mere 9 episodes left. I hope that another show like it will be written. For the next 3 months i will enjoy this for all that it is.

encouragement

2010-03-22T15:20:00.000-07:00

I find it interesting how necessary encouragement is. I can at times think that i can just keep plodding on with my head down doing my work or pushing forward in life. The reality is that i need to be regularly encouraged. Today through two different means i just felt really encouraged to keep on in what i am doing. One of them was from a person telling me about some of the fruit of what i have been doing, and another was a person thanking me. There is no denying that God understands this and throughout the Bible tells us to encourage one another.

the danger of busyness

2010-01-27T10:41:00.000-08:00

It is so difficult for me to stay still. I love to go go go and be involved in everything. If there is a night where i don't have something to do, i just have to fill it with something. For a long time i just thought that is the way i am. I am task oriented with a side helping of some ADD tendencies. This past week, God has shown me just what the cost is for staying busy.
As i have been taking this class that has been focusing on listening skills in counseling, i have realized that in my busyness i don't have enough to give people. Truthfully, the problem is that i don't have enough space to accept people. Let me explain. In my go go go mindset, my mind is constantly moving and i am often mentally in a different place then where i am physically. Because i choose to be involved in so many different things, there are a lot of plates to keep spinning. While i find great satisfaction in all these areas, i find it difficult to be able to rest and be present where i am. So, while im at church on sunday im thinking about what were doing for lunch. When were at lunch im figuring out what i need to do in the afternoon so that my monday can work.
God tells us to be still. In my life its really a command for us to trust Him. That its not up to me to make my life work, God will. I have spent the last couple of years learning to be still with God and enjoy Him. What is new this week is that i have seen the cost in relationships from my busyness. Often I am unable to really listen to people because my mind is still racing. Im sitting hearing them, but my heart and soul aren't being offered to them. It isn't a contious choice. It is the reality of living life at such a frantic pace. For me to really love the people that i am listening to, i have to be able to be fully present with them listening, empathizing, and giving them myself. For this to happen, i have to life my whole life differently so that i have that capacity. I need to slow down, intentionally say no, and learn to enjoy and be present wherever i am.
I feel God has shown me this in a very gracious way. I really want to love people and become a better listener. I think my tendency is to try to fix people's problems that i listen to. I think that is because i am impatent and want to move on instead of loving people, trusting God's work in their lives, and being present with them in their place of brokenness.
God change me. This feels big and contrary to my nature. Grow me in patience, self-control, and love.

the power of the gospel

2009-11-10T18:49:00.000-08:00

This weekend (techincally the beginning of the week, but im a pastor, its complicated) our pastoral team got together and we discussed some of the implications of the gospel. The gospel is amazing because i think just like the ressurection of Jesus, i don't know if you can ever expend the different ways to view it and how important it is. The gospel is good news. It is stated in 1 Cor 15 where Paul tells us that Christ died, was burried, and was ressurected on the 3rd day. In other ways the gospel is the kingdom of God being here. Where we are reconciled to God.
How i would state it is The gospel is the good news that God has made a way for you to no longer be his enemy, but a son and daughter. God created the world and set into it an order that we should follow. We have rejected Gods reign and chosen to become our own ruler. God has rejected us and we are subject to his wrath. That is the setting. The good news is, JESUS CAME TO THE WORLD, revealed to us the propper way to live, then died taking our punishment and rose from the dead. Through his death and ressurection we can live in his kingdom by the life he offers us. We get to repent of our sin, and get to live in his new kingdom where Jesus is the king. We follow his leading now, and live for Him. Jesus is reigning in this world and we get to be a part of his kingdom.
The gospel is truly amazing. I am fired up about the gospel and cannot wait for our church to continue to pursue God and remain faithful to his purpose for us. To embrace the gospel personally where we are repenting, to promote the gospel by spreading the teaching and knowledge of Jesus, and to live our the gospel where we are feeding the hungry and loving people in Jesus name.

thanks be to god for his indescribable gift!!!!!

book of Ruth

2009-09-29T20:36:00.000-07:00

Ok, this is one of my favorite books in the whole bible. It is such a great picture of how God chooses to give grace and work out situations to his ultimate glory. It is just amazing how there are so many "coincidences" in this story. The point is to show how "coincidences" aren't that, they are God soverignly working out our life to His purposes. Ruth decides to stay with her mother in law despite wisdom. She happens to choose Boaz's field. This is in the time of Judges and there weren't many people who were following Yahweh, so that is a truly amazing coincidence, Boaz happens to be a kinsman-redeemer of Ruth, ruth happens to catch his eye... it is just amazing.

I am looking forward to going through this story with the middle schoolers on our BIG WEDNESDAYS. I look forward to looking at the honesty you see in ch. 1. God's soverignity you see in ch.2, and living for God's glory in ch 4. We are skipping chapter 3, because to be honest, i do not know how to interpret that chapter. It seems Naomi is giving Ruth terrible "dating" advice. God chooses to redeem this terrible advice and Boaz acts remarkably especially considering the cultural norm at this time.

There are so many situation in my life that God seems to take my terribly motivated or ill thought out plans and uses them. Perhaps, that is just what God is doing here. For me it is almost comical how i though it was my job to find a wife. God ends up bringing me Courtney, someone i had assumed was to be a friend of a friend and nothing more. All my plans and attempts to take hold of the situation were not wise afterall. I wonder how much of our life where we are actively following God will be brought to us as opposed to us going to try to sieze it. I like to get out ahead and plan, but it seems that God tends to make people cross our path and bring us to ministry situations not out of our planning, but by his soverign planning.

This is just a great story. It's only 4 chapter so go read it...

Family good times

2009-09-15T19:43:00.000-07:00

So the Patterson family is going through some radical changes. For starters, my sister (most people don't know i have a sister, but she lives in Houston, Texas and is a lawyer) Sara is getting married!!! I am incredibly excited for her and her fiance / future husband Jason. Jason is also a Texas lawyer, so i have this beautiful immage of them watching old episodes of Walker, Texas ranger together and polishing their 6 shooters in court. They have been dating for longer then Courtney and myself have even known each other, which is wierd to think about, but they know each other pretty well. I am excited for my sister and while we are loosing a Patterson by name, i am glad to have a brother.

Courtney and myself are very excited that we are going to CHINA!!!!!!!! My parents are taking us with them on this fancy travel-agent only 8 day tour of China. Courtney and myself are so excited because we have had the travel bug for a while, but with no money, we just figured too bad for us. We are super excited for seeing a country that is completely different from ours and for making new memories with my parents. It is funny, while the bond with family never goes away, the fact that my sister lives in Texas, I live in Southern California, and my parents live in Sacramento, we just don't get to see each other much. Because of that, when we see each other it tends to be a lot of catching up, but you don't make as many current memories. I am really excited to have some opportunities for me & courtney to have some strong memories with my parents that we can look back on as a great time with people who love us and support us like crazy. In the same way, with all the tasks of wedding planning, we get to make new memories with sara & Jason.

All in all, i am over-joyed for all the family happenings for us. I really feel blessed and glad that God has given me family who i want to spend time with.

do i dare admit it?

2009-09-01T19:38:00.000-07:00

do i dare admit it? I am almost scared to say it, because i know its true, but don't want this to really happen. Alright, i think i have the guts to type it. I am closest to God when i am faced with trials. Trials are often my best times with God because i seek Him not out of obligation, but because my very life feels like it depends on time with God.
now i hate saying that. I wish i was more mature and would seek God relationally at all times. I wish that God didn't have to keep me in the fire for my heart to remain devoted to him. I don't like the trials. They stink. I hate them. They are never easy or consern something i don't care about. They always feel like a big deal. They always feel like this is the turning point of my whole life. It has never been true. A few years later i usually don't even remember most of my trials except for the true big ones. I am convinced the trials don't really matter and what does matter is the relational opportunity that comes from them.
Most of my cherished memories with God are usually smack dab in the middle of a trial. The times i am most consistent in prayer and reading the Bible is when i feel like it truly is my food. I wish i would live life all the time this way. It would be so much wiser.
I think i really want to thank God for the trials in my life. Without them i would not have the trust in God, although feeble at times, that i do have.

God, take me though whatever you must to develop my heart to being closer to you and more like Jesus. All I want is to be near you. I do not care if it is in the worst trials or in the most pleasant of vacations. Give me trials as long as you draw near to me. (it wouldn't hurt to make them minor though)

Story of God

2009-07-16T14:28:00.000-07:00

I have been really blessed this past month through the preparation of our sunday series looking at the Bible in 7 weeks. This coming sunday i am reviewing the entire OT and looking at the Book of Acts and church history since then. It is just amazing to see how consistent history is... God intervenes and pursues people for a relationship. he is faithful and gives mercy and grace. We are unfaithful and need deliverance. Satan has been attacking the church with both external persecution and internal corruption. God has been faithful in perserving the church just like he preserved Israel. He has brought revivals to the Church just like he did to Israel.

It is just truly amazing. We are an active part of God's story in this world. We are given the mission of going to the ends of the earth and telling people about forgiveness in Jesus death and live with God through his ressurection.

learning from James

2009-07-08T16:01:00.000-07:00

So i have been getting into the book of James a lot recently. Specifically for our summer camp. We are going to be going through the book... looking at the trials in our life, how we destroy our community with favoritism and our tongue, and how to connect our faith with our actions, and that we should treat people with the same type of mercy we recieve from God. This book is truly amazing. I get excited about the idea of students being able to look at their actions, judging themselves and seeing that they need God's grace. I honestly cannot wait for camp. God always works in students lives in unique ways. All that said... that is not why i wanted to post.
While reading James i became incredibly convicted. In ch. 2 he writes that a man who reads the bible but fails to do it is like a man who looks at the mirror and forgets what he looks like. Basically, a complete concieted self-decieved hypocrite of a person. I usually read this and think it describes people who hear the gospel but don't respond. Suddenly i realized this is describing me. I know a ton about the bible. I mean part of my job is to spend time reading it, studying it, reading books about it, and i have had extensive classes about it. I say that not as a point of boasting but of how rediculous my heart becomes. I know God tells me to love my neighbor, to love my wife sacrificially, to help the poor, and to be wise with my time. Yet, i continue to find excuses for why it doesn't apply to me in my circumstance. My neighbors are much older then me and we don't have much in common, Courtney should be considering my needs since i had the harder day (at least in my eyes), someone else will help them and i am committed to helping middle schoolers (doesn't that get me off the hook), i need to rest (even though i just spend the time surfing the internet, watching tv, or playing games). I know the simple truths and commands of the Bible yet i always seem to try to weasel my way out. I decieve myself.
I hope that i can lay asside my Biblical training and simply obey. I don't want to be intellectually "blameless" while in reality, guilty of sin by failing to do what is right.
I am excited about James this summer. I took it on for the purpose of teaching others, but God is currently putting me through the ringer and showing me my own heart.
-rob

8th grade trip goodbyes

2009-06-01T11:45:00.000-07:00

Well, it is monday morning and i am still recovering from this past weekend. We took the leaving 8th graders and went on a trip to comedysportz, stayed the night at a church in La Mirada (thanks Grace!!!), and then spent all Saturaday at disneyland, followed by sleeping back in Newbury Park and having a pool party and worship at Gannon Peter's house. It was a crazy weekend and i still want to just curl up an nap.
There were a lot of good things that came from this trip. One of my favorite parts was seeing everyone get to know eachother through all the time riding in the car. Coming home from disneyland was great because we discussed what the different disney movies promote. Some things like "family always sticks together" from lilo and stitch is great, while the pantheism from Pocahontas isn't. Probably the best movie for discussion was Pirates where we talked about the idea of purgatory from the movie and how it is incorrect. Then we talked about different motivations and desires all the characters had.
Another great time was playing Mafia at the church. Seeing everyone playing together and really having a good time was great... especially at 1:30 am!
I am going to miss the class of 13'. There are a lot of students in there that i have loved spending time with and getting to know and pray with. My prayer is for you to find good friends who will help you to make wise decisions while deepening your relationship with Jesus.

-rob

Home... the aftermath

2009-02-17T12:03:00.000-08:00

So, The amazing blessing that God gave us... a new house, has also been a ton of work. The reason we were able to afford the house was because of the condition it was in. We had 2 weeks between the day we got keys, and we needed to move in... and it was one of the craziest 2 weeks ever. We called as many people, hosted as many "parties" and used every second of every day to get the house in a livable condition. Just thinking through a few things we did... we scraped off the popcorn ceilings and had them painted, stripped and painted our kitchen cabinets, replaced all the kitchen appliances, added additional base kitchen cabinets, replaced just about all the lighting fixtures, painted every square inch of the inside of the house (ceilings, walls, doors), took out a side part of our master bathroom, installed new shower doors, fixed a running toilet, removed & replaced some wet drywall, re-textured a few walls that needed patches, replaced all electrical switches and outlets, got our roof patched in an area that the seller told us that had "mucho agua" (it is dry now!), got all new carpet upstairs, had the staircase railings re-framed and drywalled, pulled 4.5 tons of trash out of the house that was left by the previous owners, cleaned out the backyard, tilled the dirt and seeded it for grass (they raised chickens and had no grass!), ripped out a shower in the downstairs bathroom where it was illegally installed and re-set the toilet, got a new garage door that would actually open, replaced a side door, and deep cleaned the entire house!!!! This is pretty much what we have done in the last 3 months, but about half of this was done in the first 2 weeks.
The funny thing is that we still have a lot to do with the house. The downstairs still has 13 different tiles in no discernable pattern, so we are going to need to rip them up & re-tile, our roof probably needs to have the whole thing re-done anyways, we want to change out our bathroom vanity, we need to install a house fan, and we need to finish the landscaping in the front and back yards.
For Courtney and myself, we have learned a lot about ourselves from this process of buying a house and the ensuing 3 months of fixing it while living in it. God has taught me a lot about contentment. I tend to be a very driven person. I feel that i cannot relax or stop till the project is done. Well, as many people have told me, the house is never done. If i have that mentality, it means i never get to relax or rest. God invites me to rest in him. It is easy for me to think that God wants me to do all these things for him and once i am done, then i can rest in him. I now see how wrong and destructive that is. God wants us to rest in him, be at peace, and be faithful to the tasks we are given. I need to rest among the uncompleted tasks and projects! In my faith, i am far from being the man God is calling me to be, but that doesn't mean i do not rest, and find peace in God.
Also, i have been learning about God's provision. buying a house has tightened out budget, and we are no longer saving like when we were living in an apartment. With all the news about how bad our economy is, we don't have discretionary money. I can't look at a savings account to trust in. My trust is in God to provide. God is using my house to teach me trust. I think of passages like Matthew 6 that God will provide what i truly need.

-rob

house

2008-12-10T13:46:00.000-08:00

It has been a very long time since my last blog and for good reason. The last 3 months can easily be summarized with one word: house. Courtney and myself put in an offer for a house somewhere in late august, our offer was accepted, we had a roller coaster of an escrow, recieved the keys to our house on November 20th and we officially moved in on Dec 6th. That is the extremely condensed version. The truth is that this has been such a process that there have been nights where we could not even talk with people we were so shell shocked. The economy is in a historic tumultous time, getting our loan was a miracle. The truth is there were many people and God brought us through this.
We started getting our finances together in mid June. They want your last years taxes, the last 2 months of bank statements of all accounts (bank, CD's, anything), our last 2 pay stubs, and our credit reports. But not only that, we were incredibly blessed by family and friends and recieved money for our downpayment, and even those gifts, we had to have a signed letter stating it was a gift, all receipts of the transactions, as well as bank statements from these people! It was rediculous. Because of all the bad loans, they had tightened the regulations so much that they needed every piece of paperwork that exist.
Our house we originally saw on the market, but it was way out of our price range. It was a short sale, which means the people were in the process of foreclosing, but weren't foreclosed yet. That is typically a HUGE red flag that says don't bother putting in an offer, there are too many people involved. In a short sale, basically the house is being solf for less then the owners still owe on the property and the bank has to agree on the price because they are just going to loose that money. The price it was listed at was not agreed on with the bank, so it really meant nothing... the bank, while they didn't own it yet, had to agree on the price, essentially deciding how much money they were going to loose on the property. On short sales, a lot of time, people will submit an offer and not hear back from the bank for 3-6 months!
One of the greatest things about the house is that we are next door neighbors with Dewey and Sarah colemen, who have become some of our closest friends since we moved out here. We were already in the same prayer group where we would get together on thursdays for prayer and watching The Office. Also, the house is only 1 mile from the church!
Anyways, we saw this property and had our heart set on it, even through it was out of our price range pretty significantly. We looked at places we could afford and really didn't like our options. Most of the places were very small or too far away from the church, the community of people we wanted to put ourselves into. One morning while visiting Courtney's parents we saw that the listing price was reduced 100k!!!!!! All of a sudden it fell into our price range (that we thought) and we could put in an offer.
The next week we put in an offer on the place. They got back to us in 4 days (supposed to be 3-6 months!) and accepted our offer!!!!!!!!!! All of a sudden we were in escrow. Our finances were always a problem. We have been smart with our money, but the reality is that we don't have a lot of it. Because i am a pastor, my pay is filed differently then most typical jobs, so there were a lot of issues of my income and how it is reported, taxed, and if it was considered enough. While in escrow we were haveing so many problems that we started a 2nd loan application just in case. Things with the first loan had deteriorated and we heard a lot of good promises from this other company that it would be a "slam dunk". The money was going to be very tight. At this point in the economy was the week where Countrywide was bought out by B of A, WAMU was almost going to go belly up, lehman bros went out, and fannie 7 freddie mac were just starting to get into the hot water they are in now. Money was tight, and we were trying to get a loan. Our broker explained that it is almost like people are looking for excuses not to give loans now instead of if you qualify or not. Because my salary as a pastor was atypical and we were getting gifts from people lenders just weren't wanting to lend. At one point we were approved by Wells Fargo, but then 2 days later they changed their downpayment requirements and we no longer were approved!
Courtney and myself were surviving on prayer. We were so wiped out emotionally that we would be praying for God to just get us through that day. It was assumed that everyday a new twist was going to happen and we were either going to get the loan, or not get the loan. It seemed to change everyday and sometimes twice a day. Finally one night it just became too much for us to handle and it was like we had worried so much, we just couldn't worry anymore. I think it was that night that i threw up my hands and said "not my will God, but yours be done here" I wanted the house soooo bad, that any risk of loosing it was catastrophic. Once i was willing to have whatever God wanted i has amazing peace. It was about 2 months into the process, but i was actually at the place where i should have been the whole time. God was good and patient with me, he was always there leading, but i foolishly thought it was up to me to get this done. Someday, i will actually keep this perspective :-) but until then, God is patient with me and is very gracious.
Eventually we came back to our original lender, who suddenly could approve us, we able to waive about 4k of closing costs, rates went down, and we didn't even have to pay any PMI!!!! It was the best situation possible!!!!! We has to ask for 2 different escrow extensions to get it all done. We were using 2 brokers, 3 lenders, and ended up with the absolute best loan possible.
We also had issues with the size of closing costs, getting appraisals, getting the house inspected and seeing the needed fix-ups, being told it didn't have termites then later finding that it did, former owners that were potentially going to try to squat the property, and constantly needing to submit more paperwork to our lenders that we now needed to have. My tax guy in Sacramento even became part of the process! What always seemed to be a brick wall only turned into the next obstacle that God was going to be leading us around.
Our loan finally went to documents at Escrow on Tuesday morning, i was at our pastor retreat, but i met courtney and we signed the papers, handed over the largest checks we have ever written, and finally had a house! We got keys on thursday night and had a bunch of people over on friday night to just celebrate what God did. It is truly a miracle that we are homeowners expecially this house.

that is our journey of getting the house... the next installment with chronical our journey of having to fix the place.

I thank God for bringing us through all these obstacles. There are even more then i mentioned here, and all these were dragged out through the course of months. I also want to thank Tricia Onsgard. She is our real estate agent, and has become a very good friend. Through the whole process she was looking out for us and was praying with us and helping us at every step. She used just about every connection she had from lenders to inspectors to appraisers to just about everything. She did more then i could have ever expected and i think more then we even know about. The whole time i didn't know who we could trust, but we did trust Tricia and she was a true God send. If God didn't bring her across our path i really don't think i would be a homeowner right now. She is fantastic at what she does, but more then that i really felt like she cared for us and was basically a shepherd guarding us from many of the wolves and dangers in the process. I give her my ultimate recommendation to anyone who needs real estate help.

anyways, next comes the fix up process....

Remembering my friends

2008-09-09T11:07:00.000-07:00

So in the preparation for my sermon last week about Christian Community i was thinking about my closest friends. It is amazing how god brought many men around me who all wanted to change and be more like Jesus. In particular some of the guys i grew closest to are Dave Wollen, Kevin dekreek, Zach Kreeger, Josh Young, Max Sternjacob, Phil Perry, Adam Green, and Caleb McGivney just to name a few. I remember moving to Biola not really knowing anyone other then my sister (which doesn't count) and needing to find friends. Across from the hall from me was Kevin Dekreek and while we had little in common, we became friends and it was the first time i became close to another guy where we talked about our struggles and our desire to follow God. We would share what we were learning, had a ton of fun together, and even went on a mission trip together to Guatemala. A few years later i was moving dorms and needed a roomate, once again in a similar situation to my freshmen year. Miraculously i picked Dave out of a list of transfer students and we grew to be incredibly close friends.
The year after i graduated i went through one of the hardest times of my life. A lot of the circumstances of life were falling apart: my car's transmission broke, i could not find a job and i was also going through a lot of stuff spiritually: i felt God was absent, i was questioning my calling as a youth pastor, i felt rejected by a lot of people, i felt like i just wasn't good enough in life! Looking back it is certain that God was at work in my life, probably more then usual, and God used my friends to embody his love to me. These guys sat with me when i was a shell of myself and weeping, and encouraged me and just continued to care for me.
God has given and used many things in my life. Parents, Courtney, situations to bring me to know him and trust Him. He has brought some tremendous friends into my life and they have been probably the largest part of my life. My hope for everyone is to find friends who will spur you to follow God, just love living life together, and will be there for you in the dark times.
In middle school we are starting the year for small groups and my prayer is that these relationships will develop into the same type of relationships that meant so much to me.

Rest

2008-08-04T13:12:00.001-07:00

What a funny & great week i just had. So far this summer that is typically filled with a slower pace & a lot more fun, have been filled with a lot more work. Through the extra things like helping out with high School, starting a college Bible study, and the fact that we are trying to get pre-qualified for a home has really upped my stress level. As much as i am spending time with God, which is the only thing getting me through it, i think it is just a trying period of time right now. I have recently felt this durring all the planning leading up to our wedding, job hunts in the past, and just all those other times in life where there is just a lot of unsettled pieces of life that just wont go away for a while.
Anyways, last week Courtney and myself finally got to get some vacation! We didn't have much money to spend (were saving for a house) so we decided to camp close... real close... in Malibu Creek SP. I had camped there 2x before and it was always a favorite spot of mine & now we just happen to only live about 15 miles away from it. Anyways there were a few things that i thought would be worth mentioning. First of all, Courtney isn't a huge "outdoorsy" girl, but was really excited about camping in a tent. She was kinda testing the waters to see if she would enjoy camping. Well she does like it, but the worst thing happened the first night. In the middle of the night she grabbed the flashlight to go to the restroom. The restrooms aren't exactly the "nicest" bathrooms, but they are serviceable and cleaned regularly, but they are already raising the creepy flag a bit. Well, in the middle of the night, a trantula joined her in the bathroom. Needless to say it was a memorable time. Later on, i saw the same trantula and i just about lost it myself. The next night, a trantula was walking towards our campsite, which i flicked about 100 ft. away.
It was a great time. We both read a lot of books & magazines (i have to get ready for the fantasy football season), went on a hike, drove and hung out at Malibu beach (i forgot sunscreen & got a wicked sunburn), went to see a movie, went to a Dodgers game (i found out at the game that they just got Manny Ramirez! Go Dodgers!), and ended up coming home a day early, just cause we wanted to sleep in our own bed. Another exciting note is that they were shooting a episode of the TV show Numbers while we were there, so on our hike we saw a bunch of semi trucks, props, and set gear for the show. Probably our favorite part of the week was our amazing hammock. We almost forgot to bring it, but we purchesed a hammock 2 years ago because we both always dreamed of sleeping in a hammock in our backyard (we weren't even married yet, let alone buying a house). This hammock sat in our storage for 2 years, and finally we gave it a test drive. It was fantastic! We both laid in it, took turns taking naps in it, read books in it. In the morning, i would wake up, grab my Bible, and read Joel & Amos while swinging and being covered with the morning fog.
God promises us that he will give us all the grace we need, wisdom, strength, that he is always with us, and that he is working in every situation for our good. A lot of times as Christians we interpret this to be prosperity, but it is one of the greatest pictures of a loving father caring for His children in ways they don't deserve. Courtney & myself NEEDED to get away for a while and God met us there and we were able to see & feel a little more clearly how He has been providing for us. There are definetly times where i can loose sight of being with Jesus because i am so busy working for him.
It was good to get rest.

camp reflections

2008-07-15T08:24:00.001-07:00

Well, it has been a few days since we got back from camp. I have had a chance to get some decent sleep, pray, and gain some perspective from what actually went on this past week. In conclusion i feel really blessed to see what God did in our group. I had never been to any Hume Lake camps, so i didn't know what to expect. If i had to complain i would say that days were too long, free time was too short (couldn't get many naps), and we were in a lot of chapels (a 2hr in the morning and a 2hr at night). That being said, i loved having a front seat to the change in these students lives.
Spiritually i saw God really challenge the students about what it means to be a Christian. Out of our 18 students, 10 went forward to declare that they want to change their life and truly follow Jesus. 2 students in particular stated it clearly when they said that they have gone to church and accpeted Jesus a long time ago, but now they "mean it" and want to be a disciple. I think that this should be expected for people who grow up in church families. The reality is that when children are young, they often become Christians because it is the "right" thing to do and their parents are christians. It is almost a rite of passage in the family. I do not know what exactly happens there, but i don't need to. The pooint is, they have mustard seed faith. From there they are going to learn a bunch of information, memorize verses, hear Bible stories, develop quiet times and these are all good things. but just like how children start to relate to their parents differently as the grow up, they are going to relate to their heavenly father differently. God is no longer to guy who gives you things or spanks you when you are wrong... he is finally viewed as a person they can actually relate to. I think God opens up their heart to realize that there is more to Christianity and they eventually are going to need to see that something needs to change.... them and how they interact with Jesus. All that to say, i am encouraged to see that God is pursuing these students and that they are listening and responding to his conviction properly.
Relationally i was blessed because there was no "drama" at camp. All the guys and girls got along and no one became ostrasized from the group, or rumors started about someone. I liked seeing people like noah, Jon, Angela, Lily, Tessa, Matthew, and Joe become a "part of the group". It is easy for middle schoolers to always feel like they aren't "in". The funny and sad reality is that i don't know if anyone feels that way, sometimes i question if i am a part of the middle school! I think my favorite memories of the weekend was on our final day when we went to the tidepools. Swimming across to the other rocks was a ton of fun. Later on another beach, climbing down & up the path i really felt brought our group together. Middle schoolers still don't realize their need for other christians. They are such a part of their families that they don't see the need for other christian peers to encourage and exhort them. In high school they grab onto this truth, but middle school you kinda need to feed them their vegtables, because they don't know its importance yet. I love camp because it is the time where i feel like i get to know them. I usually see everyone on Sunday mornings and wednesday nights. It is only a brief window. But seeing all the guys and girls, when they are tired, excited, hungry, boored, anxious was interesting. I felt like for the boys i took the role of parent a little more then i expected, but i honestly enjoyed the moments of eating pizza at 11:40pm, telling boys to take showers, eatting lunch with the girls.
I want you to know that i was deeply encouraged by camp. I am utterly exhausted (its a good thing it only comes around once a year!) but am glad we went. Next year i do not know what we are going to do camp wise, if we will return to HumeSD, do our own camp, or go to another place. I am praying about it but i want to factor in safety, cost, what it does for our group dynamic, and most importantly what will grab our kids spiritually.

-rob

live from camp: Thursday night, or techincally friday morning

2008-07-11T00:15:00.001-07:00

Whew,
Thank you for all your prayers this past week. All i can say is that i am plain exhausted. :-) We are hoping to be home in no more then 12 hours. I will probably write an entire re-cap of the week in a few days, so check back, but in the spirit of this, here are a few highlights of the day...

A few guys woke up early to surf...
In the morning meeting we had a time of worship then split up into individual churches. We sat on the steps of a building and talked about the cost of discipleship since that just seemed to be a theme for the week for our group. Many people in our church have been waking up to what it means to be a Christian. I have literally seen changes daily from Landon, Angela, Gannon, and Josh Studley where i feel they have significantly changed their routine of camp to reflect what they want to be. The whole group seems to be growing. Just about everyone wishes it could be longer (the only exception is the weary leaders). Tonight Tessa stood infront of everyone at the share time and said how much she has enjoyed it when coming she didn't think she wanted to go. She said that God can do anything and used her attitude towards camp as the example!
After the meeting we had our final time or REC and it was the great race where our teams had to hold hands running arround campus to different stations to do rediculous challenges. The one that stands out the most to me is Angela volunteered to eat 1/2 a bottle of mustard. Let's just say she doesn't think she will be eating mustard ever again.
At lunch we all sat together and quickly left for an afternoon as a church. We went to the historic lighthouse to check it out, explored some abandoned millitary bunkers, and played in a tidepool for almost an hour or more. It was high tide, and almost the entire group swam across to this further beach. It was exciting because a lot of people were fearful, but as they saw others do it, they kept wanting to go. I specifically helped Alex, Noah, and Tessa across. Josh Fisher morphed into a guide for everyone and it was amazing to see his heart show that much mercy. We dropped off a few people who were done, and went to the beach cliffs just under the campus for some more exploration. Looking back it was pretty crazy getting down, where you had to hold onto a rope while going down the hillside, but amazingly we all got down and up safely with the exception of Jordyn stubbing her toe. While down there the boys found a natural rock slide where it was worn smooth and the waves would throw you up the slide and then you go down with the wave. It was pretty neat, but as the tide was coming in, i shut down the rocks. It was honestly a fantastic afternoon and i really felt like our church came together and it was great seeing everyone work together on the obstacles getting down to the beach.
Tonight's meeting we saw the camp video and headed out for worship and the message outside watching the sunset and the stars come out. Chris's final message was on the doctrine of the Bible. He used "hefty gallon storage bags" to make his point that the bible is necessary, clear, suffiicent, and authoritative. After he talked we had a sharing time where anyone from camp could stand up and share what God had been teaching them this week. Josh Studley, Tessa, and Gannon stood up and shared different aspects. This meeting was incredibly looooong (3hours!!!) and our students were getting very ancy at the end of it.
After that we headed to dorms where we started packing and cleaning for our early morning departure. (we are hoping to clear out at 9 or earlier.) Because the guys were hungry we ordered some pizza down here and enjoyed a late snack. If you get this, continue to pray for us on the road, but also that your sons and daughters would carry what they have been learning with them after camp. There always is a spiritual down turn form the daily hours of worship, teaching, and praying. It isn't a sustainable place for them, but i want them to be able ot retain the decisions they made here at camp.

Before i head to bed, here are some questions i would recomend you ask your student about their camp experience:
-What was your favorite thing to do?
-What team were you on in the games?
-Tell me about the games you played for recreation.
-What were the 5 grocery items Chris (the speaker) used, and what did they all mean?
-What do think God was teaching you this week?
-What was your favorite worship songs?
-tell us about the opening lazer show. What was it like?
-If you had to pick your favorite 3 things about camp this year, what are they?
-did you make any decisions this week?
-What can we do to help you keep your decisions?

that is all for now. I am going to go pass out in my sleeping bag...

-12:42 am
-rob

live from camp: wednesday night... at least i think it is

2008-07-09T23:17:00.000-07:00

Hey everyone,
I couldn't be more encouraged as to how camp has been going, and today is no exception. Amongst the girls Jordyn, Lily, and Tessa have started to become good friends, and i have seen a lot of the boys hanging out with other guys that they just generally ignored before. Noah , Josh fisher, and Jon have been hanging out with Joe and Josh Studley. Alex and Jordyn seem to getting to know each other a lot. In just the group i have really seen Landon, Joe, and Josh Studley step forward as the leaders of the group.

The day started with breakfast that seemed all to early and then the morning meeting. In the meeting the worship band (330plan) has been great, but usually when they play a bunch of kids run forward and worship at the stage. It is hard to explain, but really great in practice. Our group tends to be a lot more standoff and watch, as opposed to participating. Over the course of the week, our group has increasingly wanted to participate in singing. To me this is one of the more encouraging things that can happen since worship encapsulates all that we are to do in life. We were made for it, and i think the more we learn to worship, the more at home it becomes and it is a part of what God does to transform us.
The morning meeting Our speaker told his life story where he had cerebral palsey, but then in 8th grade all of a sudden another disease took over and he became paralyzed. He spent 5 years in a wheelchair and just wanted to die, thinking God made a mistake with him. Eventually he began to walk again through therapy, and had some amazing encounters with friends, prom dates, even Bill Cosby that God used to restore him. I think middle schoolers really relate to his story because with all their bodily changes, they feel a lot of shame about who they are.
for rec time we played the other 2 of the crazy games we missed yesterday. It was "dress like a robot day" and Nathan had a complete robot costume and all the girls wore excessive makeup and drew tears on their face since they are on team "Emo-bot". In the afternoon i know that Jordyn and tessa went off for some activities. Word on the street is that Alex did a double flip on the bungeejump. A bunch of the guys went down the cliffs to surf the beach right at point loma. I personally got a much needed nap. :-) (we have been running almost non-stop from 7am till midnight for 4 days!!!)
Tonight the speaker used "Popsecret" popcorn as his illustration of the christian life. Our faith isn't supposed to be a secret, we are to be salt to the world, it expires so our faith is best lived NOW, and it was individually wrapped so we need to not rely on the faith of our parents, but need to individually chose to live as a christian. just like last night we had a large number of our students respond by going forward and chosing to not just believe right things, but change our actions and follow Jesus. Between the two nights we had 10 of our studnets go forward for differing reasons. For the sake of privacy i will email you the specifics, but we brought 18 students, so odds are your son/daughter felt compelled to move forward. One person i think might have accepted Christ for the first time, but i think every student that came with us grew up in Christian homes, and many of them are waking up spiritually and are realizing that being a christian is more then knowing the bible, going to church, and having christian parents.
On a funny note, all sence of nutrition has officially left camp. For breakfast i watched Tessa eat chocolate rice crispy treats, and just about 5 minutes ago we sent the boys to bed with a "good night donut".
I am weary from the physical toll of camp, but i am encouraged that God has been working mightily in our group. I personally haven't been interacting with the girls as much, but talking with Courtney and Marie yeary and it sounds like they are responding very well to what is being taught and are having a lot of fun with all the activities. The guys have been great, and with the exception of some natural immaturity that comes with middle schoolers they have been a delight.
Continue to pray for Courtney, Marie, Kevin, and Myself. We are getting VERY tired and with the lack of sleep it becomes harder for things like patience, discernment, and just a positive attitude. tommorrow is the last full day of camp and we will be home in about 36 hours! Also pray for the students that they would open up and respond to God.

Live from Camp: Tuesday night

2008-07-08T23:01:00.000-07:00

Wow, what a night.
Our speaker Chris, who the students are really coming to love, tackled the doctrine of Jesus tonight. he used the grocery item of Gatorade as his big example. Gatorade's slogan is "for that deep down body thirst" and made the connection that only Jesus can quench the thirsting of your soul, just like only he can wipe your sins clean. A side comment he made tonight seemed to make the biggest impact on our students. He commented that the devil knows a lot about God, but it isn't about knowing stuff about God, it is your heart and how you follow God that makes the difference. This really struck a cord with quite a few students and we had 5 guys and a girl go forward at the end to commit to following Jesus.
I tend to be fairly skeptical about hand raising and "decisions" because many christians do this hundreds of times. I became very encouraged because everyone who went forward from our group had a clear reason for doing it. I spoke to 3 guys in particular. One of them wants to have the boldness it takes to stand for what is right as a Christian and no longer just be nice. One knew that he accepted Christ before as a kid, but now as a young man wanted to commit to following God with his life and truly pursue life change. The other one was full of tears because he just wanted to be more like Jesus so bad.
Continue to be in prayer for what God is doing here at camp. I am seeing a lot of guys and girls change what they want to do even in the small things. I will try to keep you up to date as you pray-

Be encouraged that Jesus is at work...

-11:12pm
-Rob

Live from camp: tuesday afternoon

2008-07-08T17:27:00.000-07:00

Alright well we just got back from the beach. Our whole church went out to mission beach where a few guys surfed, a BUNCH of us boogie boarded, and we also made sand castles, chatted, and just had a great time. So here is picking up from where i left off last...

Monday afternoon-
In the afternoon we have a TON of freetime options. They include going to the beach, wakeboarding, hanging out arround campus playing games, airsoft battles, sailing, surfing lessons, and seemingly a whole lot more. From what i can recall, Landon went wake boarding, Tessa went Ocean Kayaking, I had an epic airsoft battle with Jon, Noah, Joe, and Josh Studley, Lily and Alex jumped on the "Euro bunjee" which is a huge trampoline with bunjee cords that help you jump higher. Lily did a few flips which was very impressive. Nathan found this awesome game called "Carpet ball" which he instantly fell in love with and spent the whole afternoon playing. Kevin Urquhart took Dan, Matthew, Angela, Ryan, Austin, Josh Fisher, and connor to the beach.

Last night our speaker took on the doctrines of Man and Sin... two very encouraging topics. :-) He used a pack of disinfectant wipes to symbolize how God wipes us clean, but the truth of God can also cause irritation to our eyes, where we don't like to think about our sin. After every meeting time we have a discussion time. The speaker keeps giving us discussion questions. Last night the questions were, Who is God? and What role does he have in your life? I really stayed with the second question because for our entire group of boys, they have grown up going to church and memorizing verses and knowing answers about God. I am challenging them that Just knowing about God isn't enough... it is a relationship, and how do you relate with God. Do you talk to him? When you pray, do you try to listen and let God talk? In the same way i can read someone's facebook or myspace, but that doesn't mean i know them. Do you know stuff about God or does he have a role in your life, like you dad, mom, sister, or friends?

Late last night we had some more freetime and Tessa and Jon entered a ping-pong tournament. Jon is in the final match which will be played tonight.

Tues Morning-
Our opening meeting we had a guest speaker from an innercity ministry. He taught on the parable of the talents. his main point was, when we work together we can multiply our effectiveness. He called me on the stage and a bunch of middle schoolers lifted me up in a chair. He talked a lot about the kingdom of God and how people experience the kingdom through Jesus in us... so we need to "get out and share him".

Rec...
So there are 4 crazy rec games we are playing the next four days. Kajobe-can-can where you physically force opponents into a trash can (safer then it sounds), Knock out where we have inner tubes around us and you have to knock people out of a circle, a game where we use foam swords to know balls of each others heads, and a CRAZY game where you have to run a gauntlet while people are shooting tennis balls about 25mph at you.

Everyone seems to be having a very good time. There have been the natural small squabbles, but everyone is getting to know each other pretty well. Continue to pray for God to open and soften their hearts towards spiritual matters.

FYI. my purpose in writing all this is so that you have some tools to follow up with your son/daughter about what they did and learned at camp. God is a work, and i want to allow you in on what he is doing and give you ways to follow up on what he is doing.

Many of you have been sending me emails for your children and that is great. Keep sending them, i am passing them on whenever i see them.

-till later on...
-rob 5:55 Tuesday afternoon

live from camp: Monday Night

2008-07-07T22:44:00.000-07:00

Well, we have been here for 2 days now and everyone is pretty tired. (a few people went to sleep early!!!) Here is a quick run down of all the exciting things that have happened so far...

-We made incredible time and traffic seemed to part for us and we arrived arround 4:30

-Landon and Dan ate about 6 pounds of candy each in the van.

-at the opening meeting they had a 10 minute robot/lazer/bubbles/smoke machine/dancing introduction to our Robot theme. It was truly amazing and i am sure that we will remember it for a long time.

-alex brunk ran into a pole... comedy ensued.

-Our theme that they keep going back to it "rise of the kinematics". Bacically is it the study of motion with out a cause. Their main point is that people move around and get budy without any reason. We need to move for a reason. We need to have purpose for what we do... GODS PURPOSE!

-We met our main speaker Chris Simning. when he was in 8th grade he was diagnosed as having a nercous/muscular disorder where he was paralyzed. He now can walk, but has an amazing testimony of how God has a purpose for everything he does. he looks back at his story and now is grateful for what God as been able to do through him.

-On Sunday night Chris taught us about God, using Honey bunches of Oats... With God's bunches of O's... Omnicent, Omnipotent, Omnipresent. We are really going through a lot of doctrine, and Chris is doing a great job making it attainable.

Monday-

-the guys woke up rediculously early (5:40) for no apparent reason.

-Meals have been great. We have buffet options and everyone loves the food.

-Nathan asked me if the Point Loma library would open for us. I said "maybe" he said "YES!!!"

-In the morning we had a giant rec time. The ladies are on the "Emobot" team and the guys are split between "Roboboogie" and "RoboShock". We played some relay races and i think just about everyone jumped in.

-it is late, i will fill in the rest tommorrow in the afternoon.

-11:30 at camp...

Rob

The joy of summer

2008-06-23T11:52:00.000-07:00

I love summer. Everything is just plain better. People seem a little more relaxed, students have free time, and everyone seems to just be in a better state of mind. I enjoy getting to know people while swimming in a pool more then sitting in a stuffy room with the air conditioning running. I cannot wait for summer camp in 2 weeks. Summer camp is always the highlight of the summer. It is a great week filled with playing rediculous games you would never play otherwise, great worship, a great speaker, and some of the best conversations. I feel like i get to know everyone at camp. As adults we run rediculously busy lives with constant cell phones, ipods, emails, television, internet, people, we just never get a mental break. You might think that is only your life, but it is also VERY common for middle schoolers. Summer camp gives us a week of little distraction where we can hone in on the important things in life. Relationships. We get to learn how to have some fun with friends that isn't staring at a screen. students and leaders get to connect in a real way and talk about the dificulties or joys of life. Most importantly relationally we connect clearer with God. With out all the distractions it is amazing how clear God can seem.
All in all, i really enjoy what sumer brings. I feel like people are more open and receptive. Good times are had by everyone, and especially in summer camp, there seems to be more openness in our lives and can hear God.

why i work with middle school

2008-06-03T15:02:00.000-07:00

I have been just thinking and reflecting today about this past weekend. We just said goodbye to the former 8th graders, which is sad to realize that we just aren't going to spend as much time together, but we also said "hello" to a bunch of 6th & 7th graders for the first time. I easily get caught up with excitement. I mean, last summer when i saw Transformers, i went out and ebayed myself an Optimus Prime. After this weekend of talking with new students and parents, it just reminded me of why i love working with middle school.
I love middle school because they are brilliant. I am amazed at the insight into life and the Bible that at times seems to come from the most unexpected sources. I have gone to more then 8 years of theological education which taught me how to study the Bible and good doctrine, but all too often i can become prideful and think that i can't learn from a middle schooler. I am humbled and rightfully put in my place that we all have gifts and talents and i have much to learn, even from 13 year olds.
I love middle school because they are teachable. Something happens in life where many people start to think that they are better then they really are, and when someone offers help, they just cannot accept it. Middle schoolers typically seek out the help they need, or when they hear good advice they actually listen to it. I know it is easy to look at this age as say that they aren't listening, or that t hey are rebellious. In my experience in the role as a pastor or as a mentor to them, they are looking for people to help them make the decisions that are coming in life.
I love middle school because they are always changing. Obviously there is a lot of change going on in middle school... that is when puberty happens. They are growing, their voices are changing, just about everything about them is changing. What i like about it, is that it also reflects the inner maturity that is taking place. That they are spiritually moving from being children, to being young men and women who are personally choosing to follow Jesus. It is almost like their external physical change is reflecting the internal spiritual change that we must all go through.
I love middle school because they are fun. This is self-explanatory. Almost everytime i hang out with a student, i have a good time. they are always looking for a good time, and it comes naturally because they are fun.
I love working with middle schoolers because the other adults who work with middle school are fantastic. Working with middle schoolers naturally attracts adults who don't take themselves too seriously, who are funny, and really have a heart that loves Jesus. These are my favorite type of people. They love Jesus, are funny, and want to serve!!! I seriously get to work with some of the greatest people i know.
Lastly, I love middle school because God has placed me here. I feel like the luckiest man alive at times. I have actually worked something like 22 different jobs in my life, and i do not think i have enjoyed any job quite like i enjoy being a middle school pastor. I love that God has placed me here to be with the leaders to teach and care for this group.

p.s. Aubrianna rocks!!!!!

change is a coming

2008-05-27T10:21:00.000-07:00

I feel that this past year i have dealt with more change then ever. It is amazing how much has changes and a bit of the perspective God has given me through it.
My live significantly changed when i became married to Courtney. My life significantly changed when courtney and myself left Forest Home after a collective 12+ year working there and left behind many amazing memories of God speaking to us, seeing him work, and good friends who loved us. My life changed when i was called to EVFree as a middle school pastor. My life changed when Courtney and I moved away from Redlands and moved to Thousand Oaks. There are many other things that have happened that changed the everyday life from a new car, to a new office, to new friends. Our life has been constantly filled with change.
One of the things i have really felt through change is just how trustworthy God is. I am convinced that most change in life is completely out of our control. I can pick out a car i want to buy, or i could choose to not get married. Most things like jobs, moving, friends, etc. seem to be out of our hands and orchestrated by God. Recently at my church i have said goodbye to Dan Burleson, the children's pastor, who has become a good friend, and will be saying goodbye to Matt Larson, who has helped Courtney and myself get aclamated to the area. I share an office with Matt, so i spend 20-30 hours a week next to him, so we have become close.
I seriously hate change because it is so hard. I hate saying goodbye to friends. I hate moving further away from family. But if God wasn't working in my life through change, i don't know if i would have ever met Courtney, or been able to start learning trust. About a year ago i came to the realization that i have a real hard time trusting people and consequently, God. When the rubber meets the road, i would want to be responsible for the important event, or be responsible to teach something, or i would feel it is up to me to find a new job. One of the central parts of being a follower of Jesus is that we trust Him and we trust in his acomplished work on the cross, not our ongoing work of trying to do good things.
Through all the change i have learned that i need to cast my worries on Jesus who is sympathetic to our needs and God loves to give gifts and care for His children. Change reminds me that i am not incharge, that God is. That i am incredibly limited in what i can do, but God isn't. In 20 years from now i do not know how many things in my life will be the same. I have little doubt that there will be many heart aches and many times of joy. The thing that will never change is God. Jesus is my constant in this world.
There are many things i am aprehensive about in the coming years. We are looking to buy a house, we will be parents someday (hopefully the house and a good trip or two first), and i hope to finally be done with school. God is guiding me. God knows the house we will buy, the names of our children, our entire future, even the future of our children's children. God is a good God and while he doesn't work for our hapiness, we do gain incredible joy when we know that we are loved by him and that he cares for us.
-rob

Peace

2008-02-07T13:43:00.001-08:00

It was funny, Last night i wasn't sure but i thought i was going to be giving an illustration of what Peace looks like. To me, the biggest tangible example i have seen in person has been my father-in-law Les. In August he discovered a lump in his neck which later turned out to by Lymphoma. Lymphoma can be a very vicious form of cancer and it has taken many lives. Through the whole process of doctors apointments, surgery, and chemotheraphy Les has been a amazing model of Peace. It would only be natural to become scared and anxious about your future and if you are going to live. Not only is this natural, it is what everyone expects. Les didn't do this. He did have a time of mourning and probably spent many hours in prayer with God, but early on in the process he was given an overwhelming sense of peace.

He couldn't explain it, only that God gave him peace. This peace was so "unnatural" that many people questioned if he know what was happening, and wanted to know why he wasn't scared. Les simply said that it was God given and that his future was already decided by Jesus.

This type of peace is only given by God. This is the fruit that God is talking about. That we would be able to have peace with our situation and lot in life and will be able to glorify God in a sincere heart. This gift from God is so overwhelming when you see it in person. I tend to get worried and anxious. I worry about buying a house that hasn't happened, and vacations that we haven't even planned. Yet even in my lifei have seen evidence of God's peace. There have been times where Courtney and myself have been getting down to our last dollar, and we have just known that God will provide for us.

Peace comes from the fact that God is ultimately in charge, and He will take care of us. I don't need to worry about money, possessions, or even health. The most powerful being wants me to call him "Abba" or daddy, and he will provide for my every need.

Les is now done with his Chemo treatements and his body has responded better then we could have hoped for. Even if this wasn't true, God would still be in charge and soveriegn. Les is destined for Heaven no matter what happens. Because of this he can have peace, and so can we. I hope to someday have the peace i see in Les, but i also know that I will take whatever God will give me, and that it will always be what i need.

Reading through Romans

2008-02-06T09:43:00.000-08:00

So yesterday i sat down and read through the entire book of romans. This was interesting because most of the time when i read the Bible, i usually try to read it slowly and stop whenever i have a question, or come across something deep or challenging. so this was already going to be something a little different and would probably strike me in a different way.

Romans is awesome in how if goes about deconstructing all of humanity. It starts out talking about how everyone has a sence of God and that they naturally feel God's wrath. Kinda a wierd way to start a book! Then it talks about why everyone feels God's wrath... BECAUSE WE ALL DESERVE IT. we have all sinned and God is absolutely correct in judging us. As much as Romans is written to non-Jewish people, is talks to Jews a lot, and is starts by saying that they missed the whole point about circumsision. The Jewish people in the Old Testament took the laws of God and changed righteousness from following God, to following the Law with no heed to God. In other words they were all about physicial circumsision, and missed the point that it was suppose to be a physical sign of the inward desire of the hearts. It then says that even Abraham, who started the whole thing and was the chief example to the Jews, was righteous not because he did stuff, but it was his faith all along... i.e. his heart.

Then is finally introduces Christ and we get the gospel. We we dead and deserved punishment, and completely missed the point God was making through Abraham and the Prophets. But then Christ Came!!!! Now we have died to sin and and made new and alive in Christ. We have a new master, Christ! We are no longer controlled by sin, but by the Spirit and Christ. Nothing can change this about us, we are forever in Christ and this life doesn't compare with our new future.

Chapters 9-11 are by far the most confusing and part of me wishes i could just ignore them. They go back to the subject of Israel and what about them now. Essentially it says that God didn't send Jesus because israel failed. Israel wasn't saved because they were Israel, but by faith and not all of Israel was saved. It is God's heart that everyone would be saved, especially Israel! Just because us gentiles have been ingrafted in to the tree of faith, we should not get proud or haughty, because God is sovereign and can do as He pleases. To be honest, i don't know what to make of these passages. Many people say this means God will still use israel and he isn't through with them yet, and some people say that the Church is now Israel. I lean towards the first option. It just makes sense to me because it combines the themes of God being Sovereign and that our justification is through faith, not physical family. I love that at the end of all this Paul blows his top with Praise of Christ and i feel the same way. "Oh, the depth of the riches of the wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable his judgements, and his paths beyond tracing out! Who has known the mind of the Lord? Or who has been his counselor? Who has ever given to God, that God should repay him? For from him and through him and to him are all things. To him be the glory forever!" In other words, God is so amazing that we can't possibly know these things. God is good. We trust him, and WOW is hs amazing! I will praise him forever!

Now we finally get to the good part to me, the how to live stuff. We are to present our bodies to Christ and live our life to please Him. We should love each other, submit to authorities so we can "overcome evil with good". Love each other so much that we have compassion for weaker believers, and essentially have our lives be a light to the world.

Thoughts:

There are times where i like to get caught up in trying to change physical things in my life, but Romans is clear. It isn't the physical things that matter, it is our hearts. I need to live in light of Christ in my life and let his love for me and amazing gift overflow from my life. I think i know this, but i try to change it. I want to try to justify myself because i do good stuff as a pastor, or because i tithe, or because i don't get drunk. I want to judge and be judged by the physical. The reality of this is i am just plain wrong. If i was judged by the physical i would be destined for Hell. My salvation is a free gift of God, and now i am righteous not because of what i do or try to do, but because of Christ! This is so freeing, but it is also scarry. I think christians try to add to the gospel because we still want to outwardly conform people. So we come up with things like we are saved because of Christ and not cussing or having any major sins for the rest of my life. We try to add to the gospel and end up tainting it.

Our works are to be as a response to God's work, not proof of its existence. When i look at the parts of the Christian life Romans talks about... community, love for each other, grace with weaker christians, overcoming evil with good, presenting our bodies as worship, etc... i see that it is as if i was saved yesterday. I am still a child at these things. I want people to do these for me, but i shouldn't have to do them for others. People should love me, treat me with grace, or be friends with me, but i don't want any obligation to these. It is just a sign that my heart is still littered with sin, and it is a really good thing that we have a gracious God who judges me by Christ's work and not mine.

-rob

The First of Many

2008-01-28T14:51:00.000-08:00

So i am new to this whole blog thing, but my hope is to post various thoughts, comments, or cool stuff that i am learning or would like to learn. Most of my thoughts will be on stuff i am learning through Scripture, Jesus, my classes at Talbot, or working at EV Free. My hope is to have a few podcasts up here, but as for now.... Welcome.